Hieronymus’ Neighborhood

Jesse is still looking for Toby some of the time.  I don't know if every time he calls out, it's for his brother, because he used to do that some of the time anyway (though some of that would be calling me and some if it was calling Toby even then).  But I know sometimes it is for Toby.  We are both adjusting to the changes.

There are a lot of things that are just a little changed: I don't have to put out two bowls for the two boys to eat at mealtime (well, I do put out two bowls eventually, since they always split two courses/flavors of cat food each meal, but now I put out one bowl for Jesse to start and then just use a clean bowl for the second course).  There's less to cleanup in the litter boxes and that feels very weird.  There was a lot less litter to take to the dump today, which makes sense, but felt strange.

There's also the bigger changes.  Now there's a lot of "free" time in terms of the basic care routines: feeding, litterbox cleanup, medications.  I spent a lot of time after the CRF diagnosis on meds for Toby and encouraging him to eat.  Jesse's hypert is a serious disease, but his treatment right now is simple: half a pill twice a day.  His appetite is pretty good and he doesn't refuse food unless he doesn't like it (which is another difference for me: there were foods that Toby liked and Jesse doesn't like and now I can't use them...I've started giving some of that away).  I also have less shopping to do to keep the larder full.

Jesse hasn't started clinging to me but he has had some nice petting and scritching sessions, probably longer than they used to be because I also spent time doing the same for Toby.  He also has gotten to revisit a ritual that was abandoned a few years back: a walk in the wooded section of my lot.  I stopped that when the plots at the back end of the lot were built up and I felt I couldn't rein in both guys to stay out of the new houses' land.  I can manage that with one guy, and Jesse needs nice times, so we've done that a couple times now.

So I guess we are coping okay.  But we both still have a big big hole in our lives.

Toby's battle is over.  He threw a blood clot the other night and was paralyzed in his back legs and howling.  We went to the emergency clinic. They said he had congestive heart failure and counseled me to let him go.  It happened so fast.  I wanted to take him home for a few days for a less stressful goodbye, but he was in so much pain, that I had to let him go.  His passing was quick, though not totally peaceful (his eyes wouldn't close and his tongue stuck out).  But his pain and illnesses are gone now. I hope he is whole and at peace.  If his soul is out there, I hope he knows how much I love and miss him, and that he needs to watch over Jesse now.

Jesse seems to be figuring out that Toby isn't coming home.  He looks around when he's out in the yard and he called for someone this morning (it could have been me, but it might have been for Toby).  They are brothers and they were together at home for just shy of 15 years.  There were only a few times one was home alone, when one had a solo medical treatment.  While they didn't always hang out together at home, they sometimes did, and they ate together and I know  things are not the same now for Jesse.  I hope he can adjust okay.

And I hope the pain inside me will dull.  It's way too harsh when I don't push it down and distract myself.  I've had to be at work each day, despite this.  Maybe the weekend will help me work this out.  I dug out my photos last night, the old ones, on paper, not the online ones that I already was viewing.  He was a cute tiny kitten at first, and then a gorgeous teenager kitty, and an absolutely magnificent adult in his prime.  The world is a sadder place now.

My fish posting is starting to stink, so here's a random list.

A list

• when its on the lose, you can loose it's value
  
• vagueness might get you something
  
• 285,114
  
• it looks good on you, though
  
• two words
  
• much as any noun can be verbed, most any song can be waltzed
  
• Lee J. Cobb does not look Siamese
  
• three more words
  
• I like fish
  

So Toby has had his ups and downs this month.  After being on the Pepcid for a bit over a week and the Azodyl for five days, he took a bad turn.  Got sick, stopped eating.  Off the meds and had one dose each of anti-nausea med and then an appetite stimulator, plus I started using giving him Slippery Elm Bark (herbal digestive remedy).  All that worked and he started eating again.  Since then I've just been giving him Slippery Elm Bark, and his prednisone for asthma.  I offer him food a lot...some cat food, some baby food.  He's eating more now, though little bits at a time, and hasn't been really sick again.  I should probably try the Azodyl again, but I'm gunshy.
The seem to be five brands of canned feline renal diets out there, and at this point I've tried 4 of them, with the last one in the wings to try later this week.  Toby has only really refused one, but he won't eat a whole lot of any of them, not as a total diet.  Still, some is better than none.
Jesse is probably feeling a little neglected and certainly misses out on all the feedings.  But he gets his own special treats when he gets his evening pill.  And I try to give him attention, too.

Toby was diagnosed with chronic renal failure (CRF) last week.  He'd lost some weight and felt very frail so we went in to see the vet.  He's now taking Pepcid AC (yes, cats take it, too) and Azodyl.  For now, I am feeding him whatever he will eat which seems to be mostly turkey cold cuts and baby food.  He needs to gain back some of his weight before we try to knuckle down to a diet better for CRF kitties.  He actually ate some of the prescription diet his first meal after the diagnosis but won't touch it now.  At least he's started to eat a little cat food again.

In the meantime, Jesse has been enjoying the cold cuts.  I'm trying to avoid giving Jesse much of the baby food, as I use the jar level to get an estimate of how much food Toby's eating.  Jesse has his own health deal: he's been on meds for hyperthyroid since last August.   He hates pills, but we manage.

Puffin and friend

cats don't like barking dogs

cats don't like thunderbooms and fireworks

cats don't like invading cats in their yard

cats don't like being ignored, when they want attention

cats don't like heavy rain

cats don't like brushing out mats

cats don't like taking meds

and I don't like being scratched

T&J

cats like fish, fishy fishy fish

cats like to lay in the sunny spots

cats like to chase grasshoppers and moths

cats like to play with their mices

cats like brushing and petting

cats like yummy food

and i like purring

Yes, fish

• fishy fishy fish
• ghoti
• coelacanth
• roly poly fish heads
  
• sushi fish
• baked fish

but not fish guts or uni or fish eggs.  Shrimp are not fish, but they will do just fine.

mm